I wasn't going to write this today, since it's 11:30pm, but I just can't get it out of my head. I know I won't be able to sleep until I get it out. Today was father's day and it's not a day I was necessarily looking forward to. My father and I are not close and have always had a pretty strained relationship. I haven't seen him since Christmas and haven't talked to him since Easter. To say I don't enjoy his company would be an understatement. But, I also have a step-father, who I wouldn't say I'm close to, but I have a very deep respect for. He married my mother when I was just five years old and my brother was eight. He's been the father for us that our "real" father was never willing or able to be. If I'd had it my way, he would have walked me down the aisle at my wedding, but that wasn't a fight I wanted to have, so he walked me halfway (which still resulted in a fight I didn't want to have). He's been there for my family and he's stepped up to the plate more than he needed to. And he's been through a lot in his life. This year, though was the first year I also had a father-in-law (technically the second, but we were on our honeymoon for father's day last year). I was annoyed that there were three men I had to work into my schedule today. It was a chore and took the joy out of seeing my family. So, I made plans to see my father yesterday and we had lunch and it was as painless as it could be. And today, my husband and I went to my parents house around 2pm. My step-father has been going through chemotherapy for the last three weeks to treat bladder cancer. He was diagnosed a couple years ago, but surgery was done and we thought it was being held at bay. He went in for a routine check-up in May and the news wasn't good. The cancer had spread and he'd need chemotherapy before removing the bladder completely. My family doesn't cry (at least not in front of each other), so we all held it together (I broke down that night by myself...) and parted ways. He hasn't been dealing well with it, though from what I've heard. He shaved his head a few weeks ago, which was a huge step. He's always had a gorgeous head of salt and pepper hair, no receding hairline, no balding. Now, he's going to lose it. And I keep saying that it's only hair and that it'll grow back, but it's still strange to see. Admittedly, though it didn't look as strange as I thought it would. He looks good with a buzz cut.
So, naturally, this year, it was important to me to see him. It put life in perspective for all of us, I believe and while he's likely to survive this cancer, it still makes you realize that life is fragile. And today it was proven to me over and over again. First thing this morning, I saw a notification on Facebook that a good friend of ours was in a motorcycle accident early this morning. He hit a deer and was in the hospital with a broken wrist and some serious road rash. By all accounts, the injuries are not nearly as bad as they could be, but still, how scary. I checked my Facebook page throughout the day, keeping tabs on him and wondering how he was making out. He'll be okay, but it was scary nonetheless. This was all running through my head as I gave my step-father the hair clippers he asked for for father's day. Clippers to shave his head completely, since it has started to fall out. He's in denial that it needs to be shaved bald and insists on shaving it just shorter than it was, but it's a process he needs to go through and that's understood.
We spent a few hours with my parents before heading to my in-law's. Every year they have a big father's day picnic with aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. It's a big deal. And I somehow always forget about my husband's cousin who has been sick since birth. I'm not entirely sure what is wrong with this boy, who I believe is about twelve years old now, but he's always had a limp and one leg has always been grossly shorter than the other. From what I remember hearing over the years, he'd had many extensive surgeries to try and stretch the other leg, but I guess that stopped being reasonable once he started growing more. How many times can you operate on the same leg? So, today I was surprised to see him walking around with a prosthetic leg. I had a vague memory of hearing that he was going to lose his foot, but I'd never gotten the details. And I never remember hearing this child complain about the deal he was dealt. Today, I saw him playing with the other children and even swimming with the prosthetic leg. He seems to still be getting used to it, but it was amazing to see such a young child dealing with something so huge. He was all smiles and laughter as he mingled with my soon to be brother-in-law's little sister and I was once again in awe of this strong boy. He never says a word about, he never makes a fuss about it and I've never heard him once get frustrated with it. Now, I only see him three or four times a year, but I've known him for almost his entire life and I've never heard him waver. He's incredible and he's sweet as can be and every time I see him it puts my entire life into perspective. On my worst day, it's never been as bad as his best. I've dealt with loss and I've dealt with fear, but I've never really dealt with personal difficulties. I've never had a personal injury or personal issue to overcome. My life's been pretty easy, by most accounts. And seeing him handle things so well immediately makes me annoyed with myself for thinking that anything is a big deal. So what if money is tight this month? So what if Ryan isn't home as much as I'd like him to be? So what that my career isn't where I want it to be? So what that my best friend lives two hours away? I've got my health. And I'm sitting in the comfort of my own home, that I own, with my husband, whom I've been with since high school. There is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with my husband. Our life is pretty damn good. And it's sad that it took a twelve-year-old to make me realize that.
These are three separate issues that, looked at singly maybe would not have resonated as much with me. If our friend had gotten in this accident on a different day, it still would have mattered and we still would have worried, but maybe it wouldn't have hit such a nerve if it hadn't happened on the same day that I watched my step-dad's eyes light up after receiving a gift he's never needed before. Maybe it wouldn't have scared me as much if it wasn't on the same day I saw my husband's twelve-year-old cousin with a prosthetic leg for the first time. The magnitude of all three of these events didn't really seem to hit me as much until I saw them all happen in the same day. People get in accidents all the time. People get cancer all the time. And people lose limbs all the time, for many reasons. But, when I see them all in the same day, to people I care about, it changes things for me. It's frustrating that it takes things like this to make me realize how great things are and how lucky I am. But, it's pretty incredible that all three of these people have inspired me in ways they might never understand.
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