One thing I've always struggled with in my life is making friends. I guess that's part of the reason why Facebook and other social networks are so appealing to me. I can be myself and let people know the REAL me and they can decide (and I can see) whether they want to be friends or not. I'm not good at making that first move. I'm incredibly shy, though I doubt anyone that knows me would believe that. Once I'm comfortable and I know we're friends, I'll let my true colors and my true feelings come out. You'll know more about me than you probably ever wanted to. I eat my words a lot...I offend people often...I speak my mind always. I have strong opinions and I'll share them with whoever asks. At times, it DOES leave me feeling a little lonely, because I live by the philosophy that if people don't like what I have to say they just won't talk to me. But, letting my voice be heard is not something I will ever compromise, no matter how many friends it makes me. That being said, at this point in my life, I thought I was done trying to make friends. I assumed that those that made it this far in my life were here to stay. It's amazing what you learn about people as you get older and major life events start happening in your life (and theirs). I've reconnected with an old friend and we picked up right where we left off. It's absolutely amazing and I treasure her now more than I ever did before. In the same breathe, I also lost a friend that's been in my life for a pretty long time. It's hard to know at this point if we ever really WERE friends. Did we ever hang out on a regular basis? No. When I was upset about something, was she the first person I called? No. Did I always have a good time when we hung out? No. Are there good memories? Absolutely. Unfortunately, this is a mistake I've made twice now. I kept certain people in my life because of the memories we shared and the history we had. It wasn't fulfilling or gratifying and I never felt like it was equal. And yet I couldn't bring myself to admit that this person was just not a very good friend. You place some people at certain levels in your life and finding out that they've placed you MUCH lower is pretty hard to swallow... I love having friends with different backgrounds and different philosophies and views on life. It keeps us all a little more rounded and open-minded. It fascinates me to hear other peoples' points of view. I love discussing things like religion and other controversial subjects and sometimes getting a friendly (or not so friendly in some cases) debate going. It bothers me immensely that some people are too close-minded and set in their own ways to ever accept someone with different views.
As I mentioned, I'm not very good at making friends, but I'm good at keeping them. However, I cannot seem to get along with women. Most of the people I hang out with are men, because let's face it, they're just easier to get along with. There's no bullshit with men. They tell it like it is. If you're being a bitch, they'll tell you you're being a bitch. If they think you look fat, they'll tell you you look fat. If they hate your outfit, or your makeup or your haircut, they'll let you know. It amazes me everyday how many women are faking it. They cover their faces with makeup, straighten their hair if it's curly or curl it if it's straight, fake nails, fake boobs, fake eyelashes, wear heels to make them taller, push-up bras to make them bigger, tight clothes to "enhance" they're assets. Can't a woman just be who she really is anymore? I was told once that I was "one of the hottest women" ever because I just don't care. Different people will take that in a different way, but that was a pretty high compliment for me. I remember the days when going to the mall was the best place to meet boys...and my girlfriends would always be so frustrated with me, because they'd spend hours getting ready and I'd go out in my sweats. My excuse was always that if a guy liked me looking like that, they would sure as hell like me looking like them. It appears that approach worked for me. On the RARE occasion that I actually go out, I might wear some heels, and straighten my hair (which is straight already...it just keeps the frizz down). I don't own an ounce of makeup and if I did, I wouldn't know how to use it. I got contacts to make my life easier, not to make myself look better. I get my nails done (never fake ones) as a social act, not to maintain a certain look...and I'll leave the polish on until it all flakes away. I get my eyebrows and my lip waxed, because, well...okay, because I'm self-conscious about that one (I'm allowed to have one!!). But, I'll go months and months between each waxing. I'd rather save the money I would normally spend on all that and spend the time with my husband or reading a good book. (This is where it stopped saving before...I'm gonna have to wing it...) I also remember the days when we all used to fill out those silly email surveys (they can now be taken on Facebook as well). The one question that always stuck out to me was "who has never betrayed you?" Without fail, my "friends" always wrote my name as their answer. And if I remember correctly, I never really could find an answer. So tell me...why is it that I was always YOUR answer, but you could never be mine? Nice guys do, in fact, finish last.
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