Can't Help Falling in Love

This blog somehow went from being about me reading the Bible, to me just talking about anything controversial and has now turned into me gushing about my husband.  I can't help it!!!  He makes me stupid happy.  And after going through all of my high school journals and all of the poems I've written in my lifetime I'm so much happier.  From reading my words from years ago, it's obvious that all I ever wanted was to be loved.  One of my poems even has a line that says "I want to be the perfect wife."  Now, I'm not entirely sure I can claim that title, but it's pretty telling that at fifteen years old that's all I wanted.  All I wanted was my fairytale.  And I thought the fairy tale was falling in love and getting married quickly in that "I can't live without you" kinda way.  I had visions of an elaborate proposal with a crowd watching and tears of joy.  I didn't get that proposal, but I'd say I got that fairy tale.  We may not have went right from dating to marriage in a matter of months, but I definitely got my "I can't live without you" story.  I married my high school sweetheart and I never looked back.  It's the true definition of growing up together.  I look back on all of the things we've been through and I cannot believe I survived all of that with the same person by my side.  And as Christmas closes in and I look ahead to the future when there are children helping us decorate our tree and asking Santa for a certain gift, I know that the best years are definitely still to come. 

With all that being said, I'd like to share a poem I wrote on July 16, 2002...just one month and four days after we started dating.  It's telling in where it lies in the timeline of my life.  The previous poem was written just a week before we started dating and it talks about how I'm so afraid to fall in love (even though that's all I want).  In such a short amount of time, you can see how much all of that changed.  And except for the part about not being able to say it and mean it, every word is still true, nine and a half years later...

I’m feeling things I never felt before

And thinking things I never thought before
I’m doing things I never thought I’d do
And using words I never thought I’d use

It’s like I don’t know what’s going on

Not a clue as to what’s happening
But that’s not true
I’m pretty sure I know what’s happening

I know exactly what’s happening

And sometimes I say it
But something stops me from meaning it
From saying it with true feeling

It’s like I’ve made a new discovery

Discovered things I never knew existed
It’s like there’s a whole different world
And there’s only two people in it

I look into your eyes

And find myself catching my breath
You don’t realize your potential
You don’t know what you can do

I’m beginning to notice new things

Like the smile on my face
And the contentment I feel through my whole body
Everything is so brand new

And I’m pretty sure I know what’s happening

I know exactly what’s going on
But I’m afraid it may be too soon to tell
I told you it was too soon to tell

For some reason I can’t say it and mean it

I can’t say it with true feeling
But every time you walk away
I feel my heart shatter

Every time I watch you leave I feel alone

And this time I think I’ll say it with true feeling
This time I think I mean it
This time I’ll say it from my heart…I love you