Stay Home and Shut Up

I'm going to start this one by admitting that it makes me nervous.  It's something I feel strongly about and probably makes me angrier than it should (as most things do), but I already know that it's going to piss people off.  I know people are going to disagree and I already know what the arguments are going to be.  So, I will apologize first for anyone I offend and please don't take this as a judgment of your character if it applies to you.  If you are reading this we are probably friends and you probably already know about my inability to keep my mouth shut, so I hope you'll either agree with it or disagree and let it go (which is something I'm incapable of doing). 

It makes me insane when stay-at-home moms talk about their "job" as if it's the hardest one ever.  Yes, raising children is hard, (so I've heard), yes it's the hardest job ever and yes, I'm sure it's also the most rewarding.  It's also 24 hours a day, and seven days a week with no holidays or sick days, or pay checks, etc.  If it's something you can afford to do and something you choose to do, then good for you.  However; I am so tired of stay-at-home moms acting like it's harder than having a full-time job and raising a family.  Now, I don't have children, so I already know someone will have something to say about that.  But, really...hear me out.  Let's use my mother as an example, because, well, it's the best one I know.  My mother has worked a full-time job since I was born.  I have no doubt, she would have loved to stay home with her children every day, but it wasn't in the cards for her and she needed to work.  She got us out of the bed in the morning, dropped us off at the baby-sitter's or school, worked an eight hour day, then picked us up, cooked us dinner, packed our lunches and cleaned the house.  Every. Single. Day.  She got weekends and holidays off from her job, but not from being a mother.  She had one full-time job and the permanent, forever job of being a mother.  She put a roof over our heads and food on our table and still managed to help us with our homework if we needed it and take us on vacations and trips as a family.  All of this while holding down a full-time job.  Parenting is not a "job."  It's something you do because you want to.  So, if you stay at home with your children and someone asks you if you "work," the answer is no.  You do not have a job.  You are a parent.  Why is that hard to say or comprehend?  It's not asked in a condescending way and (usually) you are not being judged, it's a question.  Frankly, to say that your job, which requires all the same things as any other mother is more difficult feels like a slap in the face to my own mother.  I'm insulted on her behalf at the insinuation that her job wasn't as hard as yours. 

Now, as I mentioned, I don't have children, so I don't truly know what is entailed in raising one.  I know it's not easy and I know it's exhausting and I know it's rewarding.  My day will come and I look forward to it more than anything else in my life.  I will, however, continue to work, because I want to.  It won't make me a bad mother and it won't make those that stay at home a better mother than me.  I don't want to be defined by my job or by my opinions or by my children...I want be defined by ALL of it.  If you want to be a mother, be a mother, but please, please, please don't act like your job is better or harder than anyone elses.  And please stop complaining about how difficult things are financially.  You made the choice, now live with it.  Deal with it.  Make it work.  I cannot imagine coming home from work after eight hours and having to raise children.  The mere thought of it exhausts me, but I have no doubt it's worth it.  I CAN however, imagine having children and being able to take a break while they nap or getting a little extra housework done while they nap.  Or packing lunches while they nap.  Instead of having to do that after I come home from a long day of work while my children are still awake and need me.  The time management alone is enough to make me crazy.  And I'm sure every mother in the world wishes she could spend every waking moment with her children, playing with them, teaching them, watching them grow.  The sad reality is that most people can't afford it and some that can simply don't want to.  It doesn't mean they don't want to be around their children.  It means they don't want to lose themselves.  Mothers are still people.  They still have things they enjoy and things they want to do.  For some of them, it's a career.  For some, it's school.  And for others it's being the best wife and mother she can be.  All of these choices are fine, but make the choice and shut up about it.  I don't care how hard you work every day.  It's great that you think you're a fantastic mother and I'm sure that you are.  I'm sure your children and your husband appreciate everything that you do, but stop talking about it as if it's more important and more rewarding and harder than what others do. 

Again, I'm not saying that being a mother isn't hard, I'm just tired of some stay-at-home moms talking about it as if staying home with their children is the only way to do it.  I'm tired of them patting themselves on the back as if it's harder than maintaining a full-time job and a family.  I give credit to every single mother on the planet who raises her children the way she thinks is best and in the best way she can.  Every parent makes mistakes and every parent has a different way of raising their children.  None of them are wrong, so long as they stick to their convictions.  If your children end up happy and healthy and well-adjusted then good for you.  But, please stop bragging about doing it while you're at home with your children and millions of other mothers are not.  Maybe I'm wrong, though.  Maybe in five years, when I have children of my own (hopefully), I will be singing a whole different tune.  Maybe I'll be writing a blog about how insane mothers are who decide to work full-time.  Until that day, I'm sticking with this.  Raise your kids the way you want to, stick to what you believe in and if you want to stay home, then stay home and shut up.