Well, it's been quite a while since I've had the chance to write anything. I've been busy with wedding planning and I was sick for a week. I realize it's important to keep people interested, though, so I figured I better write something soon before people forget I exist. Ha!!
This one might be kind of boring, but I hope you'll read it anyway. I'm getting married in nine days as most of you probably know and obviously it's got me thinking about things. Ryan and I have been together nine years and I've been talking about marriage for at least five or six of them. There was always some excuse he had for not wanting to get married yet. First I needed to finish school; then I needed to find a job; then he wanted to buy a house. Then I'm not sure what his problem was, but he didn't propose until a year and a half after we bought the house. And now it's ten months later and the wedding is literally around the corner. I obsessed over this happening for so many years and then when it did I was so unprepared. He expected to find a whole journal full of my wedding plans, when in fact, all I had was a rough guest list. I had had a date picked out...and that date came and went with nothing, so I gave up trying to plan anything. I guess I always knew he'd get there when he was good and ready. At this point I believe the issue was financial (I wish he would have just told me that), because almost immediately after we got our homebuyers credit, he proposed. Planning a wedding has not been what I expected. People always told me it was stressful and that everyone was going to have an opinion, etc. But, stupidly, I assumed that wouldn't happen with me. I gave the people in my life too much credit, apparently. I promised myself early on that I wouldn't get stressed out and to be honest, if it wasn't for the rest of life getting in the way, I probably would have done okay with that. When I had my water heater break, my bathtub leak and a $300 cell phone bill in the same week, I went a little nuts. But, I've honestly had people complain, or share an unwanted opinion about everything from the venue to the kind of music we're playing; the tuxes we chose to how I'm wearing my hair and what jewelry I'll be wearing. It's insane!!! And, naturally, there's been a little bit of drama amongst the bridesmaids (females...ugh!) and a LOT of drama between the parents (I won't say which ones, but those close to the situation know). I've had days of unbelievable sadness where I thought getting engaged was the worst thing that ever happened to me and other days when I still can't believe this is really happening. I think we all knew Ryan and I would end up married some day. From day one, things were different. It's funny to look back on how we got started in high school, because it was SO high school. I made the first move by giving him my phone number...and when he didn't call, I called him. Then I asked him to the prom and when he didn't answer for three months I told him I had another date lined up (he finally agreed to go). We fell in love quickly and I do believe he fell harder than I did at first. We kept it realistic though and we actually often talked about what would happen "when" we broke up. I remember him asking me once how we could break up and still be best friends...which sounds like a crappy question, but looking back it was really kind of sweet. He cared about me enough to want to still be my best friend. I believe my answer was that we couldn't. Haha! I'm glad we never had to find out. We stayed together when I went away to college, which was only for two years and only a half hour away. And I will admit that having him in my life was a major contributing factor to which school I chose. To be honest, during those two years, I wasn't sure we'd make it. Even my old roommate used to come into my room sometimes after a particularly loud argument with Ryan and tell me that she thought we were going to break up. It was tough. But, there was obviously SOME reason why we chose to always work it out. We just knew it was worth it. I've told him from the beginning "someday we'll have it all." And by "all," I always meant good jobs, a nice house and a happy family. Those things are obviously still our goals, but at this point, I feel like we already have it "all." From an outside perspective, I'm sure our relationship seems insanely dysfunctional. I have some days when I wish we were nicer to each other, but I've had a lot of people recently tell me how cute we are together, which still strikes me as funny. This relationship is so easy now. We know what to expect from each other. We know each others' quirks and our strenghts and weaknesses. I had someone tell me that it was like we were still in the honeymoon phase, which absolutely cracked me up, because I was sure we'd never even GOTTEN to the honeymoon phase. But, we did...recently. It took us over eight years to get there, but here we are, happier than ever. Not to toot my own horn, but I do believe we're one of the happiest couples I've ever seen. I can't remember the last time we had a legitimate fight. We annoy each other on a daily basis and we excel at shouting at each other, but it's literally just what we do. It's part of our gag. Am I still annoyed that he's got an endless supply of car parts collecting dust in our garage? Am I still annoyed that he hasn't cleaned up his popsicle sticks and Hawaiian punch glass (true story...I'm staring at it now...)? Yes! Is it more fun to yell about it than it is actually annoying? Definitely. And he knows that. He also knows when it's gotten to the point where I'm seriously pissed off about it and he needs to do something about it. People always say that marriage is hard work and I once heard someone say that anyone that says that is not happily married. I tend to agree with that person. This relationship is easy. Obviously there are days I want to rip his eyes out and feed them to him and I'm sure he has those days with me as well, but there is not a single part of me that thinks this marriage will be difficult. I don't see anything changing from the way things are right now. I hate the people that say "oh, everything changes when you're married. Suddenly you can't do this, this, this, etc..." Really??? Who are you married to and why do they suck?? Why would I suddenly stop allowing him to do things? What right do I have to do that?? This relationship works because we respect each other and we love each other and we give each other space, but at the same time literally cannot function with out the other person. If that changes, the relationship fails. The minute one of us tells the other one that they can't do something, we're going to have a problem. Back in the early days, it was definitely like that with some things. His drinking drove me crazy, most of his friends drove me crazy, his video games drove me crazy, his cars drove me crazy...come to think of it, what the hell did I even like about him??? Haha!! But, without a doubt, we both grew up. I've accepted more of his annoyances and he's toned them down a lot to accomodate for me, as I'm sure is true the other way around. Some of it comes from maturity, some of it comes from respect...but all of it comes from love. I remember my biggest fear moving in together was that I wouldn't be excited to see him anymore. We didn't see each other every single day until we lived together and I used to get so excited when I knew it was a day we were going to hang out. But, I can say, 100%, I cannot WAIT to get home from work everyday. To know that he is at home waiting for me, or that he is going to be coming home to me is just the most amazing feeling. To have something to look forward to that much every single day is more than I ever thought I'd have. I stupidly thought I was in love a few time in high school...I think I was more in love with the idea of being in love than with the actual person (though, I still hold them close to my heart), but this one is for real and this is forever. I used to hear about people getting divorced before and it was just like "oh well, whatever." But, now I honestly just can't wrap my mind around it. It pains me to think that that would ever even be possible. How could we go from being this insanely in love and this insanely happy to ever being miserable?? What could he or I possibly do to make us hate each other? We've been through so much up to this point that I just don't see anything else that could possibly break us. And it makes absolutely no sense, because we have zero in common. We hate each others music, we hate each others' TV shows, we have completely different sleeping habits; one of us is crazy about books and the other can barely read...you get the picture. So, I guess we're the classic example of opposites attracting, but there's one thing we've always had in common. And that's each other...the most insane, unexplainable, undeniable, irreplacable love for each other and I know without a shadow of doubt that this is exactly how it is supposed to be. I got it right at an early age. He makes me a better person and I know the same is true for him. We literally complete each other and I cannot wait to share his name and carry his children. The best, indeed, is yet to come...
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