Well, it's been a while since I've been able to write something new; and I don't really have much to say now, but I really want to keep this thing going, so I figured I better write something.
This past weekend, I attended a family party where lots of people were more than willing to give the newlyweds (that would be me & my new husband) life advice. While one uncle was kindly giving us financial advice (and he's pretty loaded, so I should probably take it...) another was telling us to travel the world before we have childen. Yet another relative was telling us not to wait to have children, because there will always be a reason why it's not a good time. Regardless of the advice, we'll do it our way, when we feel we're ready (as we've always done), but one thing is for sure; when the time does come, the only thing that will matter is that child's happiness.
Last week, I was having a discussion with a friend who is dating someone of a different faith. The parents more or less do not approve of the relationship because of the differing religious views and are more than willing to let their child know of their disapproval. Naturally, the child (er...grown child...) is upset and shares the information with the significant other, making a pretty ugly situation all around. So, this all led to a discussion on Facebook (as usual) about parents who don't realize how badly they're screwing up their kids. Every parent makes mistakes and every parent, without a doubt is going to disagree with their child on something. But, I can't imagine wanting anything, but happiness for my child.
We all know how I feel about religion by now, but if my kid came home with a Bible in their hand, preaching the Word, sure, I'd be a little disappointed and thrown off, but as long as they were happy, that would be enough for me. If they started dating someone of a different race or nationality or someone with different political views, would I care? Absolutely not. To each his own. I think, at times, my own parents tried to encourage me by discouraging me and most of the time it had the opposite effect. Instead of being encouraged to do my homework and study harder, I was told that my grades would only get me into community college. I believe that was supposed to motivate me, but instead it made me feel like it didn't matter and also made me feel that community college wasn't good enough. That's a common misconception. Community college is good enough and it makes a lot of sense. You'll pay half the tuition, get the same education and be able to transer and still get your degree from a major university. Thankfully, I'm aware of that now and no harm was done. But, I remember the days of feeling like I wasn't good enough. I remember the days of feeling like my "average" grades weren't good enough and the days of feeling like my comfortable way of dressing wasn't pretty enough. And during college, I remember feeling like my degree of choice was useless and the career path I chose wasn't possible. It's never intentional and it's never malicious, but parents have a huge impact on the way their children view the world. I'm not sure what it was that made me see things my own way instead of just giving up and becoming who I was told I already was...maybe it was the short time I lived at school in West Chester...getting away from my parents and the rest of my family and experiencing the world for myself. I was far from "on my own," but I was away from my everyday influences and it allowed me to see the world from an outside view. Sure, I was terrified...I might not have been far from home (thirty minute drive), but it was the longest I'd ever been away and it was still weird waking up somewhere else; but I knew I had to force myself out of that comfort zone. I was unhappy living at home. I always felt different. Part of me always felt like I was with the wrong family. No one else in my family shares my love of books or my talent for writing. No one else seems to be as sensitive as me and certainly no one seems to be as open-minded or as honest. I guess it's something I've fought with my whole life and I knew, when the time came, that I needed to go away to college. I picked one close enough to home that I could still see Ryan regularly and also close enough that if I hated living there, I could commute...but it was enough. It was enough for me to see that everyone has their own style (the way I dress is just fine); their own ending goal (it took me a while to find mine, before the obvious choice of an editor hit me) and ultimately their own path in life (mine includes a family). The way my parents do things isn't necessarily the way I have to do things and the way I do things isn't how my children will do them. I'm sure it's hard to see your child make different decisions than you, especially whan yours worked out so well, but in the end, isn't happiness the ultimate goal for everyone? Don't we all just want to wake up in the morning feeling like it's a good day and feeling like our life has value and meaning? I can think of nothing worse than taking the path my family expected me to...I had a taste of it for almost a year and it was miserable. I'm glad it worked out for those that chose it, but it wasn't right for me. And while I've still got a long way to go before I come close to my career goal, the rest of my life is right on track and I couldn't be happier. I hope for nothing more than that for my children.
